How Are You Doing?

“How are you doing?” How many times a day do you hear those words? For someone who interacts with people each day, I either say these words or am asked a similar variation of this sentiment multiple times. “Good”, “ok”, “great”, “fine”, “hanging in there” (plus or minus a trailing, “like a hair in a biscuit” by many of my Appalachian neighbors), “we’re getting along”, “I’m here”, “another day in paradise”, “I’m on two feet”, “better now that you’re here”, “better if I didn’t have to call you”, “I’ve been better” – we have so many canned responses. I never give the question much real thought when asked, but in the precious time I get to be alone – I spend time wrestling with it – how am I?

I personally find myself battling feelings of being overwhelmed, detached, or worried every couple of days. I hate the feeling, but it is an honest, familiar struggle that I get to face routinely. It is my job to fix problems, listen, and be present for animal owners – flushing every other thought or case that may be heavy on my heart and mind to just be present for the person in front of me. I listen about the animal problem, and the whole load of personal burdens that folks share as we try to suss out the relevant details that get us to diagnostic and treatment plan. In my current role, I also own a business and have to keep the bills paid, keep employees paid, insured, motivated, and content with their work, make sure the work trucks and a building are being maintained, and make sure pricing is covering it all. There are days I handle it with ease, and some days I have to muster every last bit of steam left to make my best effort and find a smile to offer. Some moments it feels like this camel can’t handle another piece of straw, some days there’s room for several more bales of straw, and other days I take the bale even though I don’t feel like I should. A couple of days each week I find myself questioning – “is this normal?”, “am I adulting correctly?”, “is this too much stress?”, “is this sustainable?”, “would it be better for me to change jobs and just work a day job without required after hours duty?”, “could I be happier?”.

This is tricky stuff. Therapy has encouraged me to be honest, vulnerable, confide in those close to me, don’t bottle it up, verbalize the emotion you’re feeling, label emotions, recognize that they are temporary, breathe, and let the thought pass on to the next moment and thought. Frustration with a problem in front of me is often the emotion that coworkers and occasionally clients see – but that is the tip of the iceberg. Clients and coworkers certainly do not want to hear, nor is it appropriate for me to share what’s swirling in this busy, tired mind. Heat exhaustion, dehydration, and hunger from busting my ass all day, obsessively trying to get it all done shortens the fuse. There is “necessary” stress, and “unnecessary” stress – largely the perfectionistic desires and self-criticism – but the lines get blurry between those labels for me. I have identified many of the things in my job that make me unhappy. Sometimes it requires delegating some of these tasks to a staff member who is happy to do them (phone/scheduling). Other times it is recognizing certain tendencies, predicting the outcome, and choosing not to engage.

Here is an example of the ice under that little iceberg. A young nice couple with no prior experience interacting with or owning donkeys or goats beyond cute Instagram videos decide to buy 3 donkeys and 5 goats from the sale and put them on a 3 acres lot of weeds. They call to establish care for a “check up” and vaccinate everyone. There is no barn, no pen, no real grass, no where to store hay, just a 3 acre weed pasture. The animals are happy to come up for sweet feed or produce they throw in. They cannot get a halter on them, but have touched 2 of the goats a time or two. These are nice people, but this is simply not going to work for the veterinarian or a farrier to trim the hooves. This is textbook “dumpster fire”. Their expectations are high. If I decide to toss a rope at the donkey and snub it up to a fence post while it is rearing a bucking like a rabid mustang, I will get exhausted, swear, smash a hand, and I will get very real with these people and let them know how naïve and stupid this decision was and tell them that I will not be back unless they are stalled and halter broken. It will no be said professionally – I know myself too well. All of the other animals will be gone into the weeds and out of sight – no chance of catching them today or for several days. My blood will be boiling and I will take that with me for a few hours seeing sane, informed, reasonable clients, and I will show up with my fuse already shortened, and it just won’t take much until I am frustrated.

I’ve grown up a lot. I will let my pride go – I don’t have to win and heroically catch these animals – just because I can doesn’t mean I should. So as an alternative to the above crapshoot, I can show up, see the lurking clouds of the shit storm in front of me and turn this into a “consultation” appointment. I will bill every minute as I help these people understand the only logical way forward. Logically, these people have bitten off a bit more than they can chew. They need guidance by a trainer or someone besides the vet. But, here I am. They need to know that they need a stall and or small enclosure to feed them in every day, working on touching them, getting a halter on them at feeding time, teaching them to tie at their feed bucket, and move on to brushing, and cleaning feet every single day for 3 months before ever expecting strangers to come and interact with them. I am not the answer, nor is a bottle of sedation a substitute for this harder, sustainable, humane 3 months of conditioning work. Perhaps starting with one donkey and one goat was the smarter option for them. Over time, I have learned when I show up to this scenario that the better option is to tell them all of these things, point out good corners of the pasture to reinforce to build a catch pen, and let them know that I will not be available until basic housing and handling is in place – for the safety of staff, myself, and the animals. I would suggest starting today, because if that jenny with the big belly is having trouble giving birth in the next few months – the outcome may be quite sad. Yes, her son there with the dangly testicles bred his own mother. Animals. They are motivated only by food or sex. Wrestling, darting, roping, and all of those things I was willing to do early on simply is not sustainable – I cannot charge enough for the time it takes to do it, and these people will never be able to do that themselves. They need to own their decision, decide if donkeys and goats are in fact for them, or if they need to sell them – and figure out how to get them out of that pasture back on a trailer. I leave them with advice, I’ve earned my time, my blood pressure is normal, and I will only see them again in better conditions.

So how am I? It certainly changes day to day. There are clients who just are so easy to work with – even if the animal’s case is complete shit. It means so much when someone goes out of their way to try to help make my work more efficient. It’s not baked goods and cold water (though those are so freaking awesome). It’s the horse they got up and groomed the 3 inches of slop off the leg and dried him, knowing that he’s been lame and I’m going to have to have that leg all in my hands and held between by knees. It is putting the goats in a clean stall before I show up, or having a cow in a holding pen so we don’t have to chase them. It is having that cattle head catch lubed and sprayed for bees, and the weeds knocked down around it so we’re not tripping up trying to help.

It is also trying to eliminate the following phrases from any interaction with veterinarians, “chronicle of the horse said you should…”, “the breeder said you needed to give it…”, “my goat facebook group discussion forum said you shouldn’t do that”. You’ve hired an animal professional to give you an opinion, someone who only sees problems all day long, who went through 8 years of school, 9 years of practice now, and 20 hours of continuing education each year to help you. Please don’t discredit what we have to offer with something that the peanut gallery offered online without having laid hands on your animal or has results of diagnostic tests. Yes, there is some decent advice out there, there are experienced breeders, but we hear it every single day – we likely know what remedies you’ve already read and possibly tried. We do not like to be told what to do – neither does your doctor. We prefer to listen, test, diagnose, and treat based on sound evidence. If we happen to offer a suggestion that matches what you’ve read – awesome, but we do not need an instruction manual from the sources you’re offering – we’ve read the tried and true textbooks, studies, contributed to rewriting them, and make weekly efforts to stay up to date to give you the best we can with the tools we have. Yes, we can be wrong, but there’s a next step in our plan – it’s our job to know the algorithm of where to go next. If you don’t like our opinion, the appropriate response is “thank you for your time today, that’s all we need for now.” Medicine is not one of those businesses where the customer is always right – our drug abuse and antibiotic resistance issues would be so much worse if that were the case. You can take the advice, seek another opinion, try the discussion forum’s recommendation, or whatever you like. But please, don’t discredit the hard work that credentialed professionals have done to bring you an informed opinion or service.

So, if you know me personally and you think I’ve got my shit together and life looks so easy, and I respond to “How’s it going, Doc” with, “Oh, I’m hanging in there.” – it’s by habit. I may be having a great day, but chances are good that there is so much more I really should say, but wouldn’t dare burden you with it. If I just seem tired, if I am just a little short compared to previous interactions, please know that I am giving you the best I can muster today. The job looks fun from the outside, or on Nat Geo, but it really wears on the mind and body. Having that horse on a halter and lead will go a long way. Pointing out an animal we may have helped in the past may be a little reminder that I am making a difference – that there are good outcomes, when my mind is unfortunately weighed down by a series of sad cases or frustrating situations where I wanted to help, but couldn’t for my own safety or sanity, or because someone couldn’t afford it. Your actions that respect our time and safety shows us that you value us as more than just the vet, and it honestly keeps me waking up and doing this job. Relationship driven practice – that’s what seems most sustainable. The tough part is weeding out the bad actors who don’t mesh with that culture, but we’re slowly getting there.

How are you today? I sincerely hope it is a good day, or that you find the time to unwrap what is holding you down. Name it. Do whatever you need to do to figure out how to find joy. Shoot you may not even remember what you do for for fun or what you like – I’m guilty. Control the controllable. Partner with a therapist to help you wade through the muck. You deserve to explore what works for you to protect and rediscover joy. I deserve it, too – it is always a work in progress.