Over the past 6 weeks I’ve been speaking to a therapist. I made the decision to try to learn about some habits I have long had with self criticism, ruminating, frustration, and focusing my attention. I have long battled depression and am all too familiar with what that looks like for me. But what I am learning has been somewhat of a personal breakthrough.
I have always thought of a perfectionist as someone who has a label for every drawer, their entire closet organized by color, and their books perfectly lined up on the edge of the shelf in alphabetical order. I am not that – ask my wife. I personally deal with the self-critical component that goes with perfectionism. I tend to give myself a pretty tough mental thrashing over my own shortcomings and seemingly minor mistakes. It has helped me achieve several goals in life, improve, and has been a positive trait in some ways. But it is damaging in many other ways.
I am not naive – I certainly know that no one is perfect. And that is not the problem here. The problem is that folks who deal with this tend to have an inner voice that is overly critical and more harsh than one would ever be towards another person.
I work in conditions that are often not ideal – veterinary care in a barn or field. I am often faced with having to try to make a difference for patients with owners that simply cannot afford the gold-standard treatment offered in the clinic or at the university. For someone with perfectionistic tendencies, it is easy to get frustrated knowing that you can’t do what is best for the animal. One has to settle for doing one’s best with the resources one has, knowing the inherent risks and potential consequences. Many clients praise you for being able to get creative to meet a need. Sometimes option D ends up meeting the goal and everyone is happy. And sometimes it doesn’t and you have to accept that outcome and not beat yourself to shreds over the whole thing.
Mental health in the veterinary profession is a hot topic, with studies showing our unfortunately high suicide rates and challenges with burnout. I cannot help but wonder the role perfectionism plays in our community of type-A personalities.
There is power in knowledge. To know what perfectionism is allows one to notice one’s own behaviors and thoughts and begin to practice some mindfulness to process those thoughts in a healthier way.
I’ve recently subscribed to the Waking Up app by Sam Harris and am wrapping up the introductory course. I have found this to be incredibly enlightening and useful for my racing mind and helping to notice thoughts as they happen and just appreciating them as a normal part of being alive and concious.
There is no point in reinventing the wheel. This 2018 BBC article does a fantastic job reviewing the downside to perfectionism, so I won’t bore you with my interpretation. Have a read – it may be helpful to you, or someone you love.
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